exhausted.

i am stuck. i cannot work because i cannot settle and i cannot settle because i cannot move in to my permanent room until monday. if i were truly nomadic then i would be fine but i am not moving, either, i am just stagnating, waiting. on pause. i have been on pause for months now and i am tired. it's not the kind of tired that goes away with a good night's sleep or a day off, it's the kind of tired that settles in and won't leave because there is no way to eliminate its source.
so very tired.

permanent

i do not know how more permanence will treat me.
transience suits me so well...

pretendtwin

rauschenberg to your johns.
keep coming back to the truth of that.
it's more and more everyday.

perche voi?

They all die with their eyes open. Sometimes they shudder as their breathing ceases. Their muscles tense and then go slack, and quickly they are no more. Terminus.

a list of things to make:

- silk shirtdress
- linen sundress
- linen flounce skirt
- redbean cookies
- topographic map bags
- lung cancer cake

ache

i want to read all of your letters.
i want to read everything you've ever sent to me, every word.
i can't.
you say that light feels like things radiating from the chest, and dark like things crushing it in. everything radiates from my chest. great auroras bursting forth.
i don't know where to begin.

crepuscular

last night i saw bats.

this is going to be a wonderful summer.