fear and friendliness

i don't care to go into the details of my social anxiety. it's not as though it will change at the drop of a hat, and i am not about to work on that when i have much more interesting things to do. however, in spite of any apprehension i suffer, i still find (or used to, prior to my change in relationship status) that i get myself into trouble of a certain kind far more often than i probably ought. which can make parties doubly awkward. not only do i dislike the very idea of being at a party; what with the large group of people and the noise and the drunkenness and the idiocy; i find that i am often confronted with multiple people with whom i spent very brief, though frequently enjoyable (and often extremely inebriated), quality time.
of course, last night was no exception. and my social skills, as usual, are a bit rusty. so i spent most of the evening sitting quietly watching my ex-boyfriend, my high school friends, three one night stands, and a number of random make-outs get ridiculously drunk. quite amusing.
being the only non-drinker at a party is always a bit absurd. watching people lose control of themselves in increments, listening to speech slur and profanity increase exponentially with each drink down the hatch. i can't do it often, but it is entertaining every so often. it's better than drinking, and being the one losing control. and, hey, drunk people are friendly.