xacto knives are not ergonomic

the first finger on my right hand is swollen to twice its normal girth and i cannot bend it easily. the first knuckle is red and taut and warm to the touch. on the palm side of the finger, all of the blue veins are clearly visible.
i am not even halfway through cutting matboard.
on nights like this, i don't know what it is that is preventing me from going to some commercial production house and shooting and editing commercials. even now, with my hands stiff and my arms weary and my fingers filled with miniscule cuts that i know will hurt later, the thought of editing commercials turns my stomach. it is enough to give me pause, to make me realize that i have to find some other way. my standards aren't for sale, even when i desperately wish they would be.